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Thursday, September 29, 2005

Best Man Speeches

Good Evening,
I just want to tell Paula how honoured I am today to stand by your side on this special day..
On behalf of the bridesmaids and myself I just want to say how beautiful and radiant your look today, it truly has been a special day for all of us.
Paula and I have been friends for a number of years now. Over the years, she has taught me the valuable lesson that friendship is the most important thing next to family. We have supported each other through good times and bad.
I have many memories of wonderful times spent with Paula, as we all have. And will cherish them forever.
The fondest memory I will now have is watching Paula marry her best friend, the love of her life and companion.
I love you both very much, you are two very dear friends to me. In the past year I have seen you both grow as individuals and flourish as a couple. Separately you both are very special, remarkable people, but together you are complete.
Today we celevrate everything you have found in each other - A best friend - A teacher and a true partner for like.
I would like you all to please raise your glasses and join me in a toast
To love, laughter and happily ever after..

Best Man Speeches

Monday, September 19, 2005

Free Best Man Speech

Free Best Man Speech

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, as most of you have probably guessed
already from the church I am the best man, however for those of you who don’t
know me personally, my name is Kevin and I would like to begin, on behalf of
Susan & Justin, by thanking you all for being here and sharing their special day
with them.

As is customary on these occasions, its time for one or two speeches of thanks
from Bob, Justin and myself. I’m quite sure that all three of us are nervous at
the prospect right now. I personally would like to thank Imodium for all the
help and support they have given me in the build up to this moment!

It gives me great pleasure to call upon the bride’s father to say a few words
and propose a toast of 'health and happiness to the bride and bridegroom’, so
come on and give him a massive round of applause everyone!


Thank you Bob for those kind words….I now call upon Justin to say a few nice
things about his mum and dad and the lovely bridesmaids.


Its turning out to be a day packed full new experiences for me. It’s the first
time I’ve had the honour of being a best man, It’s the first time that Justin
has complimented me in over 30 years, and it’s the first time I’ve got a free
dinner out of him since that kebab he bought me back in 93. So far things have
been going pretty well…until now. Start the car Steve.

Ladies, Gentlemen, boys, girls Justin and Sue,

First of all, let me begin on behalf of the bridesmaids, Michelle, Ellie, Hannah
and Emily, I would like to thank Justin for his kind words, and I have to say
they look absolutely wonderful and have done an excellent job today.

The great thing about being a best man, which incidentally is short for best
Justin can manage, is that you get to paint a picture of the man whom Sue has
just committed the rest of her life to.

A man is best described through his actions and despite having known Justin for
nearly thirty years now I think I could probably describe all of his actions
within the next five minutes.

Not that he is lazy, far from it, rather than be a jack of all trades he prefers
to carefully focus his efforts

When asked once in the pub what where his favourite hobbies and pastimes, after
serious thought and consideration he replied, ‘I quite like sitting’.

So here before us is a man who dedicates his free time to the conservation of
energy and the environment. Although if he was honest he’s not bothered as to
whether the environments green or not, just as long as it’s comfy.

I don’t remember meeting Justin for the first time, he just kind of appeared
many, many years ago before I was old enough to have a memory. However, that may
well be a good thing, because some of those early memories are quiet disturbing.

During the mid to late seventies Justin was quiet convinced that he was 70’s
motorcycle pin up Erik Estrada from Chips.

(At this point I held up a picture of this guy and compared it with a picture of
7 year old Justin to emphasise how dissimilar they looked)

He also thought that Cola Cubes made him bionic! A tip that you might like to
pick up on there Sue!

Its testimony to Sue & Justins relationship that he’s now over Erik, and Justins
smile has now returned following that fateful afternoon back in 1980 when, out
of his mind on a quarter of cola cubes he attempted his first and last ever
non-handed bicycle jump.

I think I can sum up the moment by combining the words, crown jewels and
crossbars. In fact it’s a miracle of medicine that Justin did not just deliver
his speech to you today in the style of Joe Pescuali.

As Justin progressed to becoming a teenager he found that if he took his cola
cubes in liquid form and added a decent shot of Vodka, he became even more
bionic! Of course some of us know different.

Yes we know that it made him talk rubbish like the best of us can, but the
funniest thing was that it made him dance like he was actually trying to take
his trousers off. At least he claims he was dancing. If you can’t get the
picture, you soon will at around 10pm this evening.

He then went on to study for a degree at Huddersfield University. It was here
that he landed quite possibly the finest job a man could ever aspire to. He was
given the responsibility, by the Student Union, of driving the safety bus.

Now for those who don’t know, let me explain what the safety bus is for. It’s
for picking up young drunk 18yr old student girls in the middle of the night and
driving them back to their homes. Fantastic! What more could a man want from

However the responsibility proved a little too distracting for poor Justin, and
in the short time he was in charge of the safety bus, he:

Drove it into a wall, ran over and crushed a child’s bike, pulled one of the
doors off and got an enormously fat girl stuck between the seats!

And to add insult to injury the students started calling his safety bus, the

Still he can proudly say that he has escorted more drunk girls home in a single
night, than the rest of his friends put together have managed in a lifetime!

Moving more up to date, I am proud to say I was there the night that Justin met
Sue. I’ve watched their relationship grow, and can honestly say that they make a
perfect couple.

So it was no surprise, when about 18 months ago during a romantic dinner just
down the road at the Italian Kitchen, Justin bent down to pick up a nice piece
of garlic bread he dropped…Sue jumped to conclusions and…well here we all are

Sue, you’re a wonderful girl, and you look fantastic today. You’re a great girl
who truly deserves a great husband. A husband who will care for you, and look
after you for the rest of your life. Free Best Man Speech

Justin, you’ve done a great job getting her down the aisle before she found one.

It just leaves me now as is customary before the toast to offer the bride and
groom a few words of worldly advice. Being a bachelor myself, this has proved a
bit too difficult for me, so I asked my mum and dad how they managed over 40
years of wedded bliss.

My Mum said: Sue a man is like a tiled floor - lay it right first time and you
can spend years walking all over it!

And from my Dad: Jus the best way to remember your anniversary is to forget just

I apologise if those jokes are a bit old but then so are my parents!

If my throat was dry when I started this speech its even drier now, and I can
think of no better remedy than to drink to the health, wealth and eternal
happiness of the newlyweds. Free Best Man Speech

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Free Best Man Speeches

Free, Sample Speeches, Best Speech

Ladies and
Gentlemen, settle down

I beg you listen to this clown

The best man's role is abundantly clear

To entertain you and fill him with fear

But just
before the fun begins

I ask you, put aside your grins

The true honor of best man demands

That we share some thoughts about their bands

First a
response to Dave's kind words

His compliments about the bride's top birds

Their thanks I give and his words I repeat

Megan & Lola, you do look a treat

Thanks must go to the Moorhill hotel,

Mark and his team have really done well.

They’ve sweated and toiled for all of our sake

Thanks very much guys, we’ll save you some cake!

Now we have
to take the time,

Just for a bit, and stop rhyme

On behalf of those we hold dear

Who sent a card as they can’t be here.

<Pause for cards etc…>

And let me share some thoughts of my life

At least the bits I've spent with my wife!

Marriage is the best thing that I've ever done

No need to think, it's the best - bar none

A friend by
your side, all of the time

Scuba buddy, lover, partner in crime

It's all about sharing, understanding your rants

Not just cooking and cleaning and washing your pants

A life-long
decision you'll never regret

A journey together you'll never forget

Someone to lean on when down on your luck

A Christmas cuddle or a New Year’s…. Resolution

Forgive me now; I'm trying to hard

I'm sounding like a greetings card

You've come to hear of this young man’s sins

Of drinking, debauchery and sleeping in bins

And whilst
I'll try not to let you down

Some thoughts for Mel, in her wedding gown

It's clear to us all, that Dave's got a steal

But did our bride get as good of a deal?

Let's break
it down, birth 'til today

See how those years made this man on display

Sprog on the Tyne back in 77

The year that Elvis went up to heaven

Little is known of his formative years

Newcastle Brown used to quieten his tears?

And what about Dave when he was at school?

A ‘straight A’ student, this kid was no fool!

On in to
his teens and we start to see

The first indications of the man that he'll be

Star trek and Star Wars, a sci-fi shrine

To his fantasy girlfriend, Seven of Nine!

At the age
of 18 our young man decides

To set the bright lights of Newcastle aside

So into his car and down the M1

To Loughborough Uni for learning and fun

The fancy dress parties are well worth a mention

His wonderful baby spice nappy invention

A brilliant Barney, dressed as the Flintstones

He may look like Phil Collins but he can dance like Tom Jones

At uni he
honed his culinary skills

Learning the art of food with no frills

A penchant for steak that was burnt more than most

The same for sausages, chicken and toast.

And then
there's fried breakfast cooked after the pub

The chance for some late night "beer munchies" grub

If six inches of oil was not enough

Bacon, eggs and shell is really quite rough

And now we can see the pattern emerge

The effect of that late night alcohol splurge

Dave's biggest problem, it's not lack of hairs

It's falling asleep at the foot of the stairs

Not just
once or twice but time and again

A few beers alone just cannot explain

Whilst others make it to the top of the house

He's curled on the floor, fast asleep, like a mouse

Now picture
this scene, again late one night

The boys in the house were pretending to fight

Behind the sliding door in the downstairs loo

Our bride groom David we readily threw

Now you could tell, Dave did not like it

The bathroom door he started to hit

And forgetting to slide he started to shove

With small bits of wall falling down from above

coming next, did not take long at all

The slidy bit started to come out of the wall

And into the kitchen and on to the floor

Flew Dave, free at last, but still holding the door

after Uni, moving to Brum

A software guru our man had become

He started to settle and met up with Mel

So I think you can say, all’s ended up well

In summary Mel, you've not done to bad

I really can't say enough good 'bout the lad

He'll do anything for you - a really true friend

An absolute hero whom you’ll always depend

So that is
that, my time is done

Thank you all for sharing in this fun

My last duty and honor as this part's host

Is to ask you to stand, as we all share a toast

To joy and
laughter, love and life

My mate Dave and his beautiful wife

Friends and family all round this room

Raise your glasses and toast, the Bride and Groom!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Best Man Speech

Well Justin, I hope you made the most of your speech.. now you're a married
man that'll be the last time you get to speak for 3 minutes without being

Good afternoon Boys and Girls. For those of you that don't know me, my name's
Carl, and I've had the privilege of being Justin's best man. I hope you've all
enjoyed the day so for, and I think you'll all agree.. at the church today the
bride looked absolutely stunning!

( pause for applause )

The groom looked absolutely stunned.

You can't deny it's been an emotional day though.. even the cake's in tiers!

Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I'd like to thank Justin for his kind
words- they were very much appreciated. They also said, Justin, that you look
very different sober!

Now this is only going to be a short speech because of my throat.. If I go on
too long Naranda's threatened to cut it! Taken from Best Man Speech.

You know, it's been said that being asked to be best man is like being asked to
make love to Camilla Parker Bowles.. It's a great honour but you don't really
want to do it!

But here I am, and I think you'll agree that my first job, of getting this man
to the church, on time and sober, was a complete success! Now it's time for my
second job, the speech, and this is the bit I've REALLY been looking forward

Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I've know him for about 10 years,





Sorry, wrong wedding.

Justin was born on June 26th 1976. Now I don't know whether this is a
coincidence or not, but 2 weeks after he was born Family Planning was made
available free on the NHS!!

Looking at him now you may not believe this, but Justin was not a pretty baby..
In fact, he was the only baby in Leicester to have shutters on his pram!

You know, Sue didn't get morning sickness until AFTER he was born!

He was also a slow starter. At Playschool Justin was different from all the
other 5 year olds.. He was 11!

By the time he was 14, his parents were getting very concerned about his
performance at school - He wasn't just falling behind, he was getting lapped!

Friends used to ask Sue and Bob what they thought Justin would be when he left
school..The usual reply was " Oh, about 35 "!

But Justin did eventually leave school, to the great sadness of his teachers,
and fulfilled his lifetime ambition of Joining the Navy - A job which not only
gives him the chance to see lots of different countries, but also to get blind
drunk in them! Excerpts from Best Man Speech.

Yes, if you didn't know it already - Justin likes the odd shandy or 2!

In fact, and most of you probably don't know this, but Justin is actually a
talented amateur magician! He can be walking down a street and just turn into a

He has made an honest attempt to cut back on his drinking to get into shape for
today though, and personally I think he's succeeded!..Well round is a shape
isn't it?!

However, it was one night when Justin was out drinking with his friends that he
met the love of his life.. Naranda.

You know, Naranda tells me the first time she set eyes on Justin, she thought he
was handsome from afar.. Now she just thinks he's far from handsome!

But nevertheless, she fell for his boyish charms, and actually discovered that
they share the same sense of humour!..

..Naranda, you have to share it, Justin hasn't got one of his own!

In all seriousness though Justin, you've been a brilliant friend to me over the
years. It's been an honour to be your best man today, and with all my heart I
hope you two have a long and happy marriage!

You're a lucky man. Naranda's a beautiful girl with a heart of gold, and she
deserves a good husband.. Thank God you married her before she found one!

Now I'm not married myself, but I'm sure the right girl for me is just round the
corner.. Unless the police have moved her on since last night!

But even so, just before I make the Toast, I do have a few words of wisdom for
the happy couple:-

NARANDA - Treat Justin like a dog! 3 meals a day, plenty of affection.. and make
sure you send him into the garden for a wee before bedtime! ( NB. This was
mentioned due to the fact he wet himself on his stag night! )

JUSTIN:- Never get complacent. Look out for those tell-tale signs that there may
be something wrong in your relationship.. You know, like the milkman wearing
your socks!

Also remember those 3 little words that are the key to a long and happy
marriage... 'You're right love'!

Now, as a man that will drink to absolutely anything, it gives me immense
pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, raise you glasses and join me in a
toast to Naranda and Justin, because I think they were made for each other.


May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old fashioned enough to
last forever.

I'm sure you're going to be happy together, and I speak for everybody here when
I say I wish you both the very very best for your future life together.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Mr and Mrs A*****, Justin and Naranda!

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