Best Man Funny Speeches

CAN EVERYONE HEAR ME?

Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen, for those that don’t know me, my name is Danny


I'd like to start by thanking Bill and Nick for their kind words, even though Nick’s words about me were unfounded and untrue.

Also it’s good to see Mo, Sandra and Tom with smiles on their faces today, considering all worry they’ve had to endure over the last couple of months.

A big thank you to the ushers Paul, Shaun and Ben for a job well done today. Especially considering they all have difficulty with the alphabet and their left and right. So I’m glad everyone was sent to the correct place in the church.

I am sure you will also agree that the church ceremony went very well, so, although not here, a big thank you to Father Dealy who performed his duties splendidly. As have our harpist, John and our wandering magician Mark.

I’m surprised your not out there yourself Nick.

I'm sure everyone agrees that the Maid of Honour, Tash, and the bridesmaids Donna, Lydia and Sadie look absolutely stunning today. Tash and Donna have performed her duties outstandingly, it can't have been easy dragging Sadie to the church ... especially considering she knew what the outcome would be.

I would also like thank you to all of you for making an effort to spruce yourselves up for today, I must say some of you ‘don’t scrub up too bad’


Read Telegrams and messages


I have never made a best man’s speech before so I am going to try and make it short so as not to bore everyone.

I have done quite a bit of research towards this speech today, and being in IT I decided to look on the Internet. After a while, I finally found some really good stuff…but it had nothing to do with being a best man.


Anyway during my research I looked into the 3 key elements of the Wedding Ceremony and they are as follows:

The Aisle - it’s the supposed to be the longest, most memorable walk a bride will ever take.

The Altar - the place where 2 become 1

The Hymn - the songs in celebration of the marriage vows and the newly weds.

I think Sadie may have also read the same article, because as she took her place beside Nick today, I swear I heard her muttering "Aisle Altar Hymn, Aisle Altar Hymn".


No seriously though, the purpose of the best man’s speech, or so I’ve heard, is to embarrass the Groom…well he has a small willy and ginger hair and a white suit and I think that is embarrassing enough.

I have also heard there is supposed to be an element of comedy in a best man’s speech, so I hope you don’t mind, but I brought a couple of props just in case I fall flat

on my face. So if this speech goes wayward with the comedy, please feel free to refer back to this at any time, so that at least you can say in the future, there were some funny bits .


I have known Nick since we were at school together, about 18 years and believe me if I were to tell you all the side splittingly funny stories about him we would be here all night!……besides, most of them I couldn’t tell you for fear of arrest and the majority of the rest for fear of reprisal.

I decided to ask a few others for stories and anecdotes about Nick and I found out that at school, he was an ideal pupil, who excelled in most subjects.……Sorry that should have read: "He was an idle pupil, who was expelled from most subjects"!

Another reminded me that Nick is the biggest joker and trickster we know! Many times have I fallen foul to his pranks. Bangers under pints, caps in the ends of cigarettes or remote control farting machines.

Whether it is magic tricks to strangers in pubs or telling stories to crowds of people beer gardens. Nick always comes up with the funny stuff or the stuff to entertain.


I remember once at about the age of 12-13. Nick, myself and a guy named Matt had just spent the night in Nick’s front room watching MTV ‘til the early hours and sleeping head to toe in the fold out sofa bed. There was nothing saucy going on I hasten to add! On our way home, Nick grabbed the sleeping bag from Matt and with Matt’s permission, unrolled it, and proceeded to put the sleeping bag, upside down over Matt’s head. So his feet were out of the bottom…this was in the middle of main Heavitree!!

Suffice to say, after numerous angry car horn’s, offended pedestrians and a few wrestling moves later. We had laughed so much, Matt actually had a little bit of wee, soaking his trouser leg.

Nick carried on this sort of childish behaviour until…well he hasn’t really stopped yet!

And so in 1995 Nick finally bowed to Sadie’s advances. Not that he had much choice. He would come home from a good Saturday night out and there she would be, sat on the end of his bed waiting for him. And after he had specifically told Danny not to let her in.

Since then they have been parachuting together, Nick has held on for dear life while Sadie flew a plane and no doubt they will have some more adventures in store.


I know Nick must have taken this seriously because just a few months ago I noticed that he had got his ear pierced. So Nick, with his new gold and diamond stud earring was, perhaps even back then preparing for marriage, experiencing pain, hurt and buying jewellery.


And so…one day I get a phone call from the Ginger man himself.

“I’m gonna ask Sadie to marry me, and I need your help”

So one Sunday, I get the call. We have to go down to Exmouth, where Sadie has been taken by the rest of her family, blissfully unaware of proceeding events.

The breeze was gently blowing, at GAIL FORCE 8 and the rain was pouring so hard we had to drive with our heads out the window like Ace Ventura ‘cos the windscreen wipers wouldn’t go fast enough. Nick couldn’t have chosen a better day. It was so windy that the white officer’s uniform that he had hired for the occasion looked as though it was body paint as we stood 45° into the wind. He had also hired a plane with a banner but it was so windy the plane couldn’t take off. After much persuasion he called it off to my relief.

“If you’re gonna do it, do it right” I proclaimed.

And sure enough the next week, Nick hired the bridal suite at the Barcelona Hotel, decked the room out in flowers, adorned his Naval Officer uniform and wandered down to reception with the biggest bouquet in the world (I should know, I was carrying it and I almost fell down the stairs, ‘cos I couldn’t see over the top), and said “Sadie…I may not be an officer but I’ll always be your gentleman…will you marry me?” Best Man Funny Speeches.


And so the rest is history!


I was going to say something about the stag do that we embarked upon back in May. 17 lads in Amsterdam. I wanted to say it was unforgettable, but I was so drunk I can’t remember anything!


So, on a more serious note now, over the years Nick has been extremely generous, trustworthy, funny, helpful, caring and all in all one of the best mates a man could ask for. Not only for me but for many others of you in this room aswell.

And I would just like to say “Thank you, Nick” for bestowing this honour of being best man upon me”.

I know he had a choice of many, of which he managed to whittle down to three! Unfortunately for me, I was the only one who could read and write! So I landed the job. “SORRY” Ben & Shaun.

I feel very honoured to have accepted this duty, but I feel that the word BESTMAN…for me, is probably the wrong description. I think that Nick is the BESTMAN here today…and he’s also married the BEST WOMAN and I’m sure you’ll all agree they make the BEST COUPLE.

I wish you both many, many more happy years together!

So would you all please stand, charge your glasses and toast the happy couple; NICK & SADIE.
Best Man Funny Speeches

Best Man Toast

Weddings are a time for two people to come together in holy matrimony. It is also the time for dear ones to play their role - parents, friends, bridesmaids, the best man, and others. Make a wedding toast to express your hearty congratulations to the people involved. Given below is a top 10 list of wedding toasts.

1) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast
May we all be invited to tour golden wedding celebrations.

2) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast, to the Bride and Groom
Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

3) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast, From the Bride and Groom
May our children be blessed with rich parents!

4) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast, From the Bride to the Groom or From Groom to Bride
I have known many, Liked not a few, Loved only one I toast to you.

5) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast, From the Bride's Mother to the Groom
To the man who has conquered the bride's heart, and her mother's.

6) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast, to the Bridesmaids
I have a dozen healths to drink to these fair ladies.

7) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast
There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.

8) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast, to the Bride and Groom
Here's to the groom with bride so fair, And here's to the bride with groom so rare!

9) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast
Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.

10) Wedding Toast, Best Man Toast, to the Bride and Groom
Seek a happy marriage with wholeness of heart, but do not expect to reach the Promised Land without going through some wilderness together.

Best Man Toasts

Tips for best man toasts: writing a wedding speech or toast.


How to write great best man toasts

Someone once said that being asked to be the best man is a little bit like being asked to kiss the Queen Mother: it's a great honor, but nobody wants to do it! This sentiment is largely derived from the best man duty of having to get up in front of a large crowd and toasting the bride and groom. There's pressure on you to do it right and not mess up their big day, but it's not as hard as it looks. Writing a great toast requires a little creativity, a little patience, some hard work, and some ingenuity. Someone thought enough of you to ask you to be best man in their wedding, so have some faith in yourself and your ability to say the words that will wish them the best.

Before You Begin
Start off by writing down thoughts freely about the bride and groom and your relationship to them.

How do you know them?

Why did they choose you as best man?

How would you describe each of them? What are the first five adjectives that come to mind?

What was the groom like before he met the bride? How has he changed knowing her?

How did they meet? How did the groom tell you about her?

If you are married, you may wish to think about marriage advice you've received or have learned.

Are there any particularly amusing anecdotes that illustrate who the bride and/or groom is?

Read through this gallery of sample classic wedding toasts and highlight any that seem particularly appropriate to you.

Once you've done that, it's time to craft those ideas into a heartfelt and entertaining toast.


Beginning of Best Man Toasts
Start off by introducing yourself, as not everyone in the room will know who you are.

You might say "Excuse me everyone, if I could have your attention for a moment. I'd like to take a few moments to say a few words about our bride and groom. I'm John Doe, Patrick's best man and longtime good friend (or brother, son, etc.)" To get people's attention, you might insert a quick joke here or a quote about marriage. Before you get too far into your speech, you should thank the people hosting, traditionally the parents of the bride. If the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves, simply say, "We're all delighted to be here today on this joyous occasion."

Middle of "Best Man Toasts"
This is where the notes you wrote down before will really come in handy. Tell a funny story about the bride and/or groom (note I said "funny" not humiliating!), give your thoughts on love and marriage, tell the story of how they met, or talk about how you've seen them change through their relationship. While you may know the groom better, try to make your toast balanced, speaking about each of them. Try not to talk too long as nobody wants to hear you ramble, but do give some interesting details. At all costs, avoid ex-girlfriend stories and keep it rated PG for kids and grandmothers in the room! Most of all, if you are sincere about what you are saying, and your words come from the heart, it's hard to go wrong.

Closing "Best Man Toasts"
It's often good to wrap up your toast with a wish, traditional toast, or blessing for the bride and groom. Raise your glass with a resounding congratulations, cheers, l'chaim or salud, and don't forget to drink to your own toast!

I suggest writing your toast down on a notecard or two (remember, I said to keep it brief!) and practicing it a few times so that you're not reading straight from the card. You may also wish to run your toast by a trusted friend who can give you some feedback.

Now it's time to relax, enjoy the wedding, and support your friends. A few tips on delivering that toast:

Remember, even though you're nervous, to speak loudly and clearly.Hopefully you'll have a microphone, but even if you do you'll need to make sure to enunciate. Nothing worse than listening to five minutes of mumbling nonsense.

Don't drink too much before you give your speech. A drink or two might help loosen you up, but more than that and you'll just look like a fool.

Don't read straight from the card. These are supposed to be heart-felt words, not a scripted response. It's better to paraphrase what you've written, and get the general sentiment across. Of course, you can have your notes handy, just remember to make eye-contact with the people you are speaking to.

Didn't your mother always tell you to stand up straight? That goes twice when toasting.

If you lose your notes, or just choke up there, there's nothing wrong with a simple "Congratulations, (bride's name and groom's name) I'm looking forward to the day when we're all together again celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary. Cheers!" or a favorite toast of yours.

"Best Man Toasts".